Sunday, August 29

so soon

Almost here....
sooo soon baby... so soon. Day after tomorrow. I cant wait.

Thanks again for all the help youve been, with the desk and thebed and the likes... you rock. I love you.

Thursday, August 26


sometimes none of this makes any sense to me. Somtimes, we dont make any sense to me. And I dont think that you will ever understand that, and I dont expect you to.

Im sorry for the inconvenience that you have gone through in purchasing my bed. I do apreciate it. I will do my absolute best to not inconvenience you in any other way.

Take care.


So I think its all kinda interesting that youre allowed and not ok with me going to lunch/brunch with a friend who happens to be a guy, and when you go with someone like Claire or anyone I'm supposed to be totally cool with it.

Im sorry I didnt call... I did try. My call log shows that I called at 10:03am... but that doesnt matter because well, I didnt leave a voicemail, right?

Doesnt matter.

Anyways, if youre worried about Yut, you shouldn't be... because he made it super clear that though he thinks I'm awesome and that you are a very lucky guy, he has no intention whatsoever of stepping on anyones toes... friends can be friends even if someone in the friendship wants it to be more. So chill out.

Sorry you got worked up about it all. I just think its stupid. Are you always going to be super protective of me?

Thursday, August 19

So I thought of something...

I know one thing that I want to do during that time we have in September. I want to get tan. I have wanted to be tan all summer, but I have been working too much to get any sort of color. So lets plan to get me tan, to have me lie around in a bikini. Im cool with that. Are you?

Id really love to just lie around in the middle of the ocean, on the deck of a boat, swaying back and forth with you by my side. Sounds so perfect to me. Heck, anything with you involved sounds perfect to me.

But that will all have to wait, at least 12 days... only 12 more left. I swear, we can do this. OMG I am getting soo excited though... so stoked to see you and kiss you. AHHH this summer has been soo long without you. Please, lets not ever do this again-- this whole "long term time apart" crap... yeah, not so fun. :)

I had a funny dream last night... and its always the same damn thing, well kinda... somehow, it involves you and I, and marriage. Weird, huh? I dont mind them at all-- I always wake up with a smile stretched across my face, because I was thinking about our lives together. But yeah, the dream was dorky, and involved you propsing.. but it was cute. Because it was when we hadnt seen eachother for a while (im not saying this is happening on the 31st or whatever... this is a dream-- dont take it literally...) and yo had planned on asking me to marry you for a while, and you were waiting for the "right moment" and then you realized that every moment was the right moment... gave me this whole "speech" thing, that was super cute, but yeah. It was first thing in the morning after waking up to you. Needless to say, it was perfect.

ANYWAY, now that Ive gushed and probably made you scared to date me any longer, I think I'm gonna end this and go and clean, do my laundry, and try to start to pack... I LOVE YOU.


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Monday, August 16

I understand, baby.

I read your post, and I agree. I dont know which one of us is beign distant, or if it is both of us, but I have a feeling that it probably is both of us. And to tell you the truth-- I dont like it.

To me, it feels like when I talk to you, that you have so many other things that you need to be taking care of, and that you really dont have the time to talk. So thats why I'm not super sociable, because I know you have contractors and meetings and so forth to deal with. So I understand.

I just want these 15 days to go by so quickly, so that I can see you again. So that I can kiss you again, and so that I can tell you how much I miss you and how much I love you. Can you believe we have made it this far? Only a day and two weeks left. Its amazing how the time has finally boiled down to a matter of weeks, rather than a matter of months.

And as I sit here and write, Blink 182's "I miss you" just came on-- this song always reminds me of when you went to Boston... and the whole cd just reminds me of you. I miss you.

Saturday, August 14

Something I found interesting

Okay so I know youre not all into this stuff, but I still wanted to share it with you, because I did find it interesting. This guy Andrew I know, wrote this... well, posted it. And its a curious thing... so tell me this. What do you live for? And do you agree with what he wrote?

----Andrew's blurb----

[radio edit]

don't tell me it's good. answer the question. you find an answer. you make sure it's worth dying for. you make sure you live for it.

[end edit]

"find something worth dying for, then live for it."

but what are you living for? for the sun? the moon? the stars? the tide? your parents? your girlfriend? to wake up? to break up? to start again? or make it happen, like it's real this time and you feel it this time? or you keep pressing on because you don't got no choice or you're working to get your voice or because so far you've learned smiling and charming and living but what do you smile and joke and live for? for those silent e's, for your grades for your future, for your paint or words or photographs or sculpture? for dying, for heaven, for jesus for buddah, for allah, for yourself? are you living for the rainbows for the way the grass grows? slowly, patiently eating time like you wish you could. never dying like you wish you could. but then you sit back and wonder what on earth you're living for and you realize it's hope and faith and love and the most of all three of these is love. but today you lived to break up and tomorrow you'll live to make up and there's no love just to fuck? and what are you living for today? do you live for beauty or the beast? or the best you have or for your sheets and the way they crinkle and laugh when you lay down for bed? is it for your child? for your genes? because you're too scared to end it? because you're too scared to befriend him? because she looked at you today as she was passing by? or because there's a party tomorrow? or because that library book you borrowed is due?

i love for poetry, sowhat is it you live for?you love for?you consume soit can consume you?i live for poetry sowhat is it you love for?

andrew. an hour and a half of def poetry'll do this to you.

Thursday, August 12

Ok so I am a major dork...

You know how when you were a kid, and there was someone you liked, you would write their name down on paper inside little hearts? Well I was talking with my mom about stuff and started doodling, and drawing little hearts... with your name inside them... all over the page. I stopped and started to laugh... what a dork I am. And then I realized I had been doodling "Chris McConnell" all over it... and I like how I write your last name. And it made me laugh yet again, because if you and I ever do get married, at least I'll like my signature... because I like how I write your last name. Im such a dweeb.

Though if/when we get married, I am keeping my last name... well, hyphenating it. I suppose I will just take the last name of the person I marry, but for important things, it will still include "Daniels" since its my only link back to my dad... and, it works nicely with Melissa. haha.

ANYWAY, thats all thoughts for another day, and I figured it would either: a) make you laugh; b) make you smile; c) make you laugh and smile; or d) make you shake your head, laugh, and smile, and then miss me a little more. :-)

But now that I think about it-- maybe you never did the whole doodling-thing, since I think it was primarily a girl thing, since you change the last name. And guys don't change their last names. Whatever. Still is funny to me.

I love you!
Have I ever told you how much you mean to me? And how much each day and each moment that we share means to me?

It amazes me how much I learn from you on a regular basis, and how much you encourage and improve me. And I am so thankful for that. Its an amazing feeling knowing that I have someone to lean back on. That if I stumble or fall, you will be there to catch me-- and then laugh with me. :)

I love you so much, and I don't know what I did to deserve you, but whatever it is, I sure am glad I did it! :)

Love you baby!

Tuesday, August 10


Hi baby...
you never write anymore. Oh well. So I dunno why I even check your site... not that I write all that much either, but its mostly because I never get a response from you! lol.

Oh well.

Hope you had an awesome evening. So awesome, you got your socks rocked off. But not in that way... but wait, you dont even wear socks. Well, you know what I mean. I hope you had fun with Ash! Love you.

Monday, August 9

I love you

Just thought you might want to know that. :)

Sunday, August 8

Not on the honeymoon anymore??

Hey you,
So I have been thinking (I know, big surprise, and I know it doesnt get me far, but I still have been doing it, nonetheless...) about you and I. And about how things are right now. Does it seem like to you that we're basically over all the fluff and now its down to the basics? To the expected? Some people say this means the "honeymoon" period is over... but I dont agree... I'm just curious. I think its probably because we have both been so stressed and have had so much going on and on our plates that we havent had the time, nor the energy. But what do you think?

Are you happy? What would you change. Honestly.

Im curious. Let me know.

Oh, and by the way-- how did you like the picts? Im such a dweeb. I look sooo nerdy in both pictures I put up. Oh well. Love you.

Tuesday, August 3

Hi baby

Hey you,
I'm home from work and I just wanted to say hello and I love you.

And I'm sorry for putting you through all this drama that has been going on. I hope that now that we have smoothed it out, it will remain smooth! I figure this much, that maybe during the summer we will get out all of our arguing and fighting and resolving issues, that we won't have anything to argue about (other than the good silly stuff) when we get back in September. And I look at it this way: at least when we fight, we resolve it and we never re-fight... where its the same shit just a different day. So thats good, that means we are at least learning from our mistakes and fixing them, ya know?

And I thought of one more thing to talk about. Of course.

I dont know why I let things get to me, and I dont know why it urks me, but I still get those fucking updates from Xanga on people's posts that I had been subscribed to, even though I deleted my account, and I happened to open it (usually I just delete them,) and saw stupid Chris' post about driving to freebirds, and I had half a mind to write "stay the fuck out of my town." But I thought that might border on psychotic. So I didnt. But instead it just bothers me. All of these stupid subliminal ties and hints that he makes towards me-- and you cant say that hes not, because I know he is. When he and I broke up last time, I had thought I was being overly sensitive to his posts and thought they were geared towards me, and he told me that they were. So Im not overreacting. It just perturbs me. But whatever.

OK so I'm totally stoked that I think (note: that is still a think... nothing is for certain or for sure,) that my mom is totally going to be game about you coming with us to Monterey this weekend... yayyyy!!!! I sure hope its a yes, because I know I told you to not get all worked up and excited about it, but I'm not gonna lie. Im totally excited. So thats bad because what if she says no? Then I'll be all sad and depressed like that other time. But hey, here's to looking on the bright side.

I have this fierce urge to go shopping again. But i gotta go get wrok done. Talk to you later. Love you.

Monday, August 2

Be careful of your thoughts, for your thoughts become your words.Be careful of your words, for your words become your actions.Be careful of your actions, for your actions become your habits.Be careful of your habits, for your habits become your character.Be careful of your character, for your character becomes your destiny

Your call..

Its not just because you didnt call, but because you lied initially and because you blew me off. After all of this.
Seriously, I dont even want to hear it.

Mostly because you dont even understand the half of it.

.:edit:. happy now? Its not so much of an ultamatum...