Tuesday, July 6

Per our “argument” earlier…

So I’m going to talk about what happened earlier, or what didn’t happen, or whatever you want to call it, but it’s not ok with me.

Now the whole, “I love you” thing. The reason why I say it so often is for a variety of reasons: one, being that’s how I feel. I do love you, but I’d hope you know or knew that by now. The second, is because I was always taught that you always say “I love you” to those people you love in each conversation, because you never know if it could be the last time you speak to them. I know that’s a quite morbid and sad thought, but it’s how I was raised. I understand that you may not feel the same way, so I’m sorry for pushing it upon you and making you feel obligated. So I’ll stop.

The other thing about earlier is probably something you will disagree with, and will probably be a little irritated with, but I’m still going to say it, because it happens all the time. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love Melvin, I think he’s a great guy and an awesome friend to you, and I am in no way asking you to alter your friendship in any way (nor would I ever,) but I just wanted to bring something to your attention, so that maybe next time you’re more aware. So here it is: your behavior and attitude drastically changes (towards me at least,) when you are around him. Now, there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just that, to me at least, you are much more sarcastic and stern, and seem to take offense to jokes more easily. It’s almost like you’re constantly on edge when you are around him, which is fine, but I always feel like I can’t tell if you’re being serious or not (like when you are upset with me,) when you’re around him. Honestly. I can’t tell. Now you can take that however you’d like, and say that it’s because I don’t know you well enough or some other shit like that, but the truth of the matter is you act differently. And from what I’ve noticed, we tend to “hang up” more on edge with each other when you are with him.

Don’t get me wrong, I think Melvin rocks, but I’m just telling you how it feels and what it’s like for me. I know guys (generally) are different around other guys, especially best friends, and that’s totally cool. But that’s why I shut down around him (you’ve asked me in the past why,) or around you when you’re with him—it’s because I kind-of feel attacked by you. So I don’t know if the logical thing to do about this, is for me to just keep “shutting down” when we are all together, or to not call and talk to you when you guys are hanging out, or what. I don’t know what you want me to do. But it just feels like you’re always on edge, or you don’t want to talk to me (which is fine, I totally understand,) or that you are just busy or something. Whatever it is, I just feel like I always get the brunt of it, and somehow we end up in an argument over stupid shit because either you’re irritated with me, my behavior, or you’re just trying to be “hard” around Melvin. Whatever it is, it’s cool. Just let me know how I can fix it, so you’re not upset with me, and we don’t end up arguing.

Because, believe it or not, I don’t like arguing— I’d really rather not. But I understand that is sometimes out of control. I just hope we can work to lessen it, because it feels like we have been arguing a lot lately over stupid petty stuff. Like today. So that’s my piece. I’d like to know your response, so let me know. Sorry if I hit a nerve or am just perpetually irritating.

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