Thursday, July 29

My response is this:

Thats a whole bunch of BS.

If I'm pulling away at all, its more along the lines to protect you, simply because to me, it seems like you fair a lot better when we dont talk-- youre not as down, you find more things to do, and focus your life onto other aspects. Which is good. I dont want you moping around, being sad or depressed, and I dont want you dwelling on this whole thing.

And as for my "talk to you on Monday" thing-- well I would talk to you in between, but I know you have to study, so I figured the rest of today to early tomorrow was shot, since you have your exam tomorrow. Then after that I'm sure youll be busy packing and driving, and then flying. Then all weekend youll be in Tahoe, which I will say it now, I'm not too hot on, but whatever. Thats me, and I can't do a damn thing about it, so I'm just going to have to get over it. And I assume, that the time that you are in Tahoe you'll be having too much fun to call, and I wouldn't expect you to, so that was my point. You wouldnt be getting back to HB till late on Sunday, and so naturally, it seems like Monday would be the logical alternative.

I dunno. Im just really sick of this crap, sick of a constant battle with you, and sometimes its kind of nice to not fight. I mean, do you remember where we didnt argue every time we talked? Or if we did it was over stupid things, like whether or not illegal immigrants should be able to get drivers licenses? But now its all the serious stuff, and I really dont want to get into all of that, because it just brings me down, and I assume, that it brings you down as well.

As for you not coming? Well you dont know me at all then.

I do want you to come. I would love for it. But every single inkling that I have gotten from you in regards to staying with me has been a "um no, I can sleep in my car" kind of response. And to tell you the truth, that just pisses me off. That you arent able to put your differences aside for us. Not just for me, but for us. And that just pisses me off.

And so yeah, when my mom says shes not so hot on it, I'm not going to intensely fight her over it if to me, it seems like youre not all that into coming and staying with me. But to think that I'm happy? Seriously. Maybe you don't know me.

And you can argue all that you want that you would still come up here and stay with me if you could, because you want to see me. But if you come into my house pessimistic about being here, that you have to stay in the same house as my mom, well then I'm not going to be too hot on it all either. Thats where I stand on all this.

And thats how it has seemed to me this whole summer. yeah, you may want to come and see me, but I know that you would much rather me come down there, rather than have to come up here and "deal" with my mom. 

So thats my two cents. You can call if you want, you can comment if you feel compelled. Or you can just enjoy your weekend with your friends. Right now, its all the same to me, because I really am tired of fighting, and having to put up this long and intensive explanations afterwards. It gets to be really, really draining.

I mean, think about it. Look back at my last like 15 posts-- they're all, "Im sorrys" or explanations. Nothing is the way it was before. And I understand that with time and distance comes change, but this doesnt look too good. At least not to me.

So my truest response is this:
I love you. I always will. But dont call or come out of obligation. And if you dont get a chance to call or something? Yeah, Ill understand.

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