Sunday, July 25

Just tell me what you want...

I dont know what you want at this point. I know what I want: you. I want to see you, I want to be in your arms, I want to kiss you and I want to look into your eyes and tell you that I love you. Even though you might not believe that right now, amidst it all.

Im sorry that I make this all so difficult. I'm sorry that I didnt understand that you were joking, and I'm sorry for making you worry and putting you through all of this.

I dont quite know what else to say. I love you.

Im hoping that you not answering my call earlier was a fluke-- that you were busy or something-- and not that you were blowing me off or didnt want to talk to me.

But then again, thats probably me just being paranoid.

And im not so worried about the Demetria thing-- I understand you guys are friends. Id like to think that she and I are friends as well. But who can tell anymore. Im sorry for overreacting. I know ive said this before, and Ill say it again-- I'm just so afraid to lose you, that even though I know it wont happen, its still a big fear. And I know thats lame, but I cant help it.

I know that youre serious about me, and I know that I'm also way serious about you--  I mean it. I want this to last, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to wake up to you each morning after falling asleep in your arms. I want to have kids with you, and raise them together... I want that dream, baby. And I want that dream to be with you, because I love you.

So I'm sorry. Please, just tell me what you want. I want you to come and visit, and I will try to help anyway I can. I just havent in the past because nothing has been concrete and my mom has been kinda shady about it all, so thats why I havent been so certain and forward about it all. And Im sorry for that, because obviously its been giving you mixed signals. But trust this signal: I love you. I want to see you, I want to spend any and every moment I can with you. And I mean that. So this is me, putting myself back out on the line, because I know I kind of kept to myself for a bit, and I'm sorry that I was being so reserved. I love you.

Call me when you want.

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