Saturday, July 24

I'm supposed to be at work right now...

So I was scheduled for work today from 5am to 2pm, but thats funny,its 10am and I'm at home. Interesting.

What happened is this:
Yesterday at work, I was walking and somehow I stepped wrong and kind of threw out my knee. It like came out of the socket, or something, and it hurt really bad. I shrugged it off and thought nothing of it-- the other knee has problems like that sometimes too, but it usually goes right away. Well, my knee kept hurting. And it hurt more when I walked home. And then it hurt more later. So I went to bed. But this morning when I woke up, it still really hurt. To the point that I could hardly bend it, and it was slightly swolen. So my mom drove me to work, I went in and talked to my boss and told her what happened and she told me to just do the opening stuff for the department-- the rest could be taken care of by another associate. So I did that, whilst my knee hurt, and then called my mom and had her pick me up. At 6:30 in the morning. So I get home, ice my knee, elevate it, take some advil and go back to bed. It still kind of hurts, but its a lot better. So thats good.

And thats why I'm not at work.

And I know I agreed to not tell you anything about my mom anymore, but I just thought I would share this: She got a job. And the only bad thing about this? She has to work the day I have to go back to school. Interesting? I think so.

And as for your post:
I'm sorry that this is driving you insane. The only consolation that I can offer you, is that in the near future, before I come back down, I will tell you what its all about, if its really that much of an issue to you. Id prefer not to, but please, just trust me on this one. I'll tell you after its ok for me to. Its all stupid and petty and I'm completely over it now, so its really all irellevant, meaning, there's no reason for you to beat yourself up over this. Seriously.

But I will tell you this much, with only the sincerest intentions of assuaging your torment, its not something you did, its not something that you said, its kind of a whole thought that I had. Its my reaction to something that you said or are doing or are going to do. And its a stupid and ridiculous reaction, but its in my nature-- as a girl, as a girlfriend, and as someone who loves you and fears losing you. But seriously, its nothing for you to worry about. Basically, its a false idea that I've created in my head, and I just need time to prove it wrong. Theres nothing you can say or do that will change this "thought," only  time will change it.

I had suggested the "no chat till monday" thing yesterday as a feeble attempt to get you to forget about this all, and also as an attempt on my behalf to take grasp of that "time" that I need. And  I had hoped that then you could focus on other aspects in your life, and wouldnt continue thinking about all this. But apparently I was wrong. I've almost completely worked through this all, and I just hope that you can trust me on the fact that you really dont need to be concerned. Its not about you, well it is but it isnt, its more about me. So if you want to talk, you can call. Otherwise, I will talk to you at a later date-- though I did make the effort to talk to you this morning already.

If you went to the secretaries and CEOs party, I hope you had fun. I hope you didnt bring your work home from the office ;) and, if you didnt go, I hope that you enjoyed your car ride home with Melvin, assuming you left last night. I hope your doctors appointment goes well, and  I hope that you can just let this go. But I'll try to understand if you cant, just as long as you try to understand that its not something really about you, and that its not something that you can change if I told you about it. (Which is why I didnt tell you. Baby, I'm not trying to "stunt" this relationship, and I would tell you in any circumstance, if there was anything that you did wrong that you could fix. This time? You cant fix it. It goes back to me needing to trust you, and you  just needing to let me work through this on my own. I love you and I'm not going to leave you. So please, just let this go.)

Have a great day and weekend. Love you.


oh, and another thing:

I returned both my sevens and my lucky jeans.
I didnt like how the luckys fit, and I didnt like the light wash on the sevens... I really just wanted the middle wash, but I dont forsee spending money on them to buy them.

But instead, I exchanged the sevens for a darker pair-- spandexy dark... similar to the color that  I already have, but makes my butt look better. So thats interesting.

Bought some new tank tops, well, one, and a long tshirt, and a sweater. Its interesting.

OH, and my other email address still gets all the friggin xanga updates, even though I've cancelled, and i usually dont read them, but today I accidentally did-- and I saw that Chris posted my muffin joke.

I thought it was odd, and was also upsetting to me.

You know what muffin joke I'm talking about. The one I tell everyone. The one that used to be in my profile. The one I'm certain, I told tim and chris and andrea as well. Fuck them all.

Have a good day.


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