Thursday, July 15

I miss you...

So you know how today I told you that I missed you a lot?
Well I wasn't kidding.
Work was long and hard, and my whole body is absolutely aching from working too much. My hands are so sore and rough and I am just all over in pain. But somehow, thinking of you still brings light to my face, even amidst all the dirt and grime that comes with work, and somehow the mere thought of you eases the pain in my body. . Now I know that this sounds totally dorky and stupid and well, I dunno maybe lame and hard to believe, but trust me. Its so true.
I dont know why I miss you so much more than normal today, and why on today of all days I feel like this. Why I somehow can't think of all  of those dreams of the future that I usually have (you know what I mean, the marriage, the kids the whole shebang,) but I can for sure, remember all of the good times. I can remember what it feels like to kiss you. I can remember what its like to be wrapped up in your arms. I can remember what it feels like to wake up to your smile, and I can remember what its like to see you and hear you say "I love you" to me. And because it all has happened before, and the familiar becomes so vague and so distant, I can not remember a time where I have missed you more. A time where I thought I saw you walking towards me when I closed my eyes. A time where I was hopeful that you would be sitting on my doorstep when I got home from work to surprise me. A time where I have never missed you so much.
Its so funny, all of this, because I get these intense cravings. Its like I'm a pregnant woman (no worries, I'm not... its a figure of speech. Keep reading before you pass out,) where I crave these amazing things. But instead of pickles and ice cream, I'm feeling this intense craving for you. This strong urge within me where every aspect of my body begins to grumble and I can only think of it. And the only thing that I want more than I can even imagine is you. Now I know you say youre not an object or a prize or something to be had. But baby, I want to have you right now. I just want to see you. To touch you. To feel your skin. And this desire, this longing, this aching is making me go insane. Absolutely insane. Not that I wasn't already.
So whether its September that I see you next, or August or July (doubtful,) I can't wait. Im serious. I really can not wait. September cannot come any sooner, and I hope once it is September,  that it goes by so slow. That we are able to cherish and savor every moment that we have together. Every second. Every heartbeat. Oh how I miss listening to your heartbeat.
And every day that I get one of your adorable blue letters (I've begun looking for those envelopes in the stack of mail we get every day. I swear, my face lights up when I see one,) I miss you  just a little bit more. Because to me, it seems like inside each letter, is a promise for the future. Whether its talking about going to Catalina (definite yes,) or to San Diego to see your sister (also a yes,) I get totally excited. Absolutely antsy. I think about driving from your house in HB to the pier in the Jeep, and then getting on a boat with you and going to Catalina. I think about us driving along the coast together, holding hands, trying to not get caught staring at eachother while we drive. And I think about packing my bag to go with you, putting my jeans in (sevens of course,) my white skirt, my other little skirt that you love and a swimsuit, and being ready to go. I think about coming back to SB and sleeping next to you. Feeling you breathe. Watching you while you sleep, and then in the morning you making fun of me because I'm still so tired (I'm only tired because I was up half the night watching you sleep because I love it. I love seeing you so content and peaceful.) and I love how you always want me to make you pancakes or some form of breakfast in the morning, and most of the time we never get around to it, because by the time we get out of bed, its lunch. Then instead of pancakes, you want falafels. Haha. But I love every minute of it. Every second. Every moment of time that I'm with you.
And its funny, because in this time apart, I'm even beginning to love the moments that I spend thinking about you. Even if they do make me sad and make me long for you even more.
And I love that. I love being able to feel that way. I love how you make me feel. And I love that there is an us, and an us to look forward to, and an us to reflect upon and remember.
But most of all,
I love you.
Oh, and I totally miss you. :)


Blogger Yours said...


7/15/2004 5:00 PM  
Blogger Fishy said...

I may be a dork, but you sure love it. ;)

You can't tell me that didnt make you smile... at least a little bit.

7/15/2004 8:07 PM  

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