Tuesday, June 29

Thinking... again. I really should stop doing that...

So do you ever feel like you always get the brunt of things? That no matter what you say or do, you're still going to end up screwed? Thats kind of how I always feel with my Mom. That no matter what I say or do, its going to be turned around into an emotional plea, and I'm going to get "bitch slapped" by tears and things of that sort. Well, it happened again today.

At our little, "session" my mom started crying, saying that I always portray her as the "bad guy" and I never do her justice. That I'm not always the victim and that I need to see that I do things wrong and I hurt people. And she started sobbing, saying that I hurt her all the time, and that I verbally abuse her (because that day we had the really bad fight like end of last week... I called her a bitch a few times. Shes was totally being one. I could have said a lot worse). Nevertheless, Dr.Preston, our lady person, said "I don't see you as a bad person, I think you both are very good people, just not together. When you guys are together you're at "loggerheads" [whatever that means] and you are like polar opposites. You dig your heels in, and you take opposite sides and end up fighting over the things that don't need to be fought over. But you're not a bad person, you're just a mom." And blah blah.

I'm really beginning to think this whole "therapy" thing is a waste of time, because each time I leave, I'm more pissed off, I have a bigger headache, and she's all trite and content. Its really not fair. Yeah, yeah, but life's not fair. Well fuck that. Who had to go out and be the smartass who said that? Life should be fair. Its fair in the end. Everyone gets shoved out of a person, and everyone dies and experiences pain. Sure it sucks, but everyone does it. I just think a person's experiences should be considered into another person's actions, and they should be treated accordingly. I dunno, I'm not making any sense now.

All I know is that I'm getting a migraine, I have to go into work at like 4 or 5 (which is stupid but whatever) and then I dont know. Im just irritated with it all and just miss you. I just want to be in your arms and feel all of my problems fade away and escape my body and my mind. UGH! But we all know that that's pretty damn unrealistic.

Man does my head hurt.

I love you. LOTS. Once again, sorry for venting.

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