Friday, June 25

more than ten things I hate... but not about you.

I hate not knowing what I did wrong. I hate that I hurt you or that I offended you. I hate listening to your voicemail when I know youre there and you just dont want to talk to me, when all I want to do is hear your voice. I hate checking my computer every two seconds to see if you're online, thinking that maybe AIM messed up and forgot to alert me that you signed back on, even though I know it didnt, and even though I have every possible alert on you. I hate thinking or knowing that I hurt you, and I hate having to tell you how I feel over the phone or online when all I want is to say it to your face. I hate that we are so far away and that I have a tyrant of a mother and can't come and see you. I hate what this is doing to us, and I fear that if we are like this after what is it, 20 days or whatever its been, what are we going to be like after 67 more? I hate that I can't give you what you want, even though its what I want too. I hate that youre pissed off, and that you probably threw your phone and are more upset with me for sending that on my message, and I hate that youre probably more upset with me now for harassing you than you were before.

But I only do it because you are the one thing in my life I wont let go. Youre the one person that can make me back down and be the first one to say "I'm sorry," simply because you mean far too much to me to let you go. And you're the one person that I care the most about and wish to remedy any ill with, because I cant imagine my life without you, and I dont even want to try.

I hate what is happening right now, and it sucks that I feel like I have to be so rash and worried about this. But its only because I care. And no, I dont feel like I always have to be walking on egg shells, I dont even feel like I am right now. Because this is me, without hesitation, saying that I am sorry and that whatever I did was wrong. And I hate that I'm not quite sure what I did wrong, but I do know that I did do something. Im sorry.


Blogger Tofu said...

dont always assume you did anythign wrong, i was frustrated from our arguement, and i was takin a moment and it was blown out of proportion, i hate that you can send messages, kknowing i can't respond without calling, and it utterly ticks me off becuase i just had a huge issue with your arguement and i just need time, i am not pissed, i am fine, just call me whenever you read this, you didn't do anythign wrong so don't apologize that just ticks me off even more...i love you and most of this is, well all of this is my fault anyway so just call or im, i love you and always will no matter what...

6/25/2004 8:20 PM  

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