Friday, June 18

And I'm crying... again.

I know youre the only one who reads this, so I figure since I can't talk to you on the phone because youre trying to drive and I cant hear you, I'll vent here. Kyle did it again. This time you got called a fag and he called me a whore. Just read xanga. I dont understand why people can be so mean, so hurtful so heartless. And of course he hits me at a time when I'm already down and I already feel like shit about myself. I just wish that it would all just end, and I hate feeling like this, almost more than I hate kyle. And the only thing that I know that can make me feel better is you-- and youre in the process of driving even further away from me as I write. Which just upsets me even more. And I want to respond on xanga with some big, drawn out thing saying what a horrible person he is, but I cant for so many reasons. One, being that I just don't want to be as bad as him. But I did do something else-- I IMed Chris... yes, I know youre probably pissed off just reading that. BUT this is what I said:
Hi, look, I know we dont talk and I know we didnt part in the best way possible, but I seriously think you need to get a hold of your ridiculous friends, because what kyle wrote and his behavior is just rude and wrong. I made no attack towards him or anything of the sort, and he was completely out of line in his comment. You know, they say you can tell a lot about a person by the company he keeps. And If thats true, I should have learned a lot about all of you a long time ago. The only thing that makes you different is that usually, you have respect for other people. Maybe you should try teaching your friends that same lesson

So I don't think that was too out of line, or too bad. I dunno, maybe it was, and I know it really doesnt do any good. But I just felt like I had to say something to someone, and well, he's the only person online that I could really say something to. I mean, if Kyle had been online I would have completely gone off on him. But then again, thats exactly what he wants, isn't it. And I'm so upset that I even thought about calling Kyle and ripping him a new one. But then he could just have the victory of hanging up on me, AND THEN he would also have my cell number. Not so good. But I dont know what to do. And I feel like I'm being the biggest baby ever, and it totally sucks. I just am definitley hurting right now. And all I want is you.

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